Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Feel like I dont belong here

I just feel odd, misfit, black sheep, strange, weird. I cant seem to be happy for too long. The empty sad depressed me comes back. I fight within my head. Not to let it win. Still do most of the time. Sounds crazy but true. Just feel my life is a joke,. "Im just here" Dont belong in this world thats why I am never truly happy..... Did you know I was born premature...and My heart stopped beating..
They BROUGHT me back to life...If they didnt I wouldnt be here. It was not a miracle im alive. Just theyre choice no to let me go.
I am a loner but I still feel outta place when im alone. I do like to talk to people sometimes. But damn they are so boring. Maybe I am the one who is the boring one?
I cant even explain properly what I mean cus I dont even understand it myself.
How can my man deal with me. When I cant even deal with myself. This war in my head. Maybe we shouldnt be together. I will spare this shit from him. I just want him to succeed and be happy. I dont know if he can with me , I will just bring him down. Drag him down with me... With my ever changing moods. :(  Its just better for him to find someone who is not fucked up :( He needs someone normal.
Im grateful for all these years we have been together though. Im just a pain in the ass to be with.
Even I think I am. I want to run away from myself alot of times.

Well I will see what happends

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