Im not fat i am FAT

I never really thought about the bmi i have. I know im fat. Thats no suprise but that im Severely Obese. . WTF have I done to myself. !!!!!Sure my bli is 31 and eeverything  over 30 is severely obese.  But ughhhh... still... im just so freakin disgusted with myself.  Im so down today overall.  I feel so bloated and that im 600 lb. And i feel so alone.  So so so alone. That my heart hurts. 💔😢😭 soooo bad.

Im gonna try to just eat around 1000 cals a day.  Not binge on junk at evenings. Really gonna try to not give in. I even went back to check out some pro ana tips . I used to do that when I was 20-23 then i stopped. I gained weight it was pointless at that point....

I havent heard from my guy for a whole month.  I just hope he is okay and not mad at me for not having a job right now. And i havent been able to help out as much with food. I feel so bad about it. 😔😢 but mostly i miss him soooo much!!!!! ❤❤