Trust in God

Have Faith good things will come. I wont worry because there is no use to.  Very good Quotes when you doubt everything and things seem so tough and you just worry. 

Work night

So I'm at work right now. 12 hour night shift...wooppiddooo. Its about 10 hours to go. Feels like FOREVER but I just gotta sit it out. Tomorrow is payday, Im not sure how im gonna pay all my bills. The unemployment agency has delayde my payments cus they had calculated wrong how much I will get per day..I really hope they will come with some info this week. I dont want to be late with the bills...

I really hope I will hear from my guy too. Feels like its been ages since I got a letter from him. Its been 2 months now😵😵. I have waited 1 month before but 2?! Never... it suure sucks so much. Especially when you dont know anything.  Im really freaking out. 

😭😖😓 I just miss him SO much!!!!! ❤

Praying i will hear from him this week. Or else i will pull my hair out!😤

My Mama Forgave me

Well I didnt speak to her (my mom for about 2 days. Its a long time for me. She called me up the next day (Yesterday ). and she was still hurt, angry at me , Dont blame her . She forgave me.  Thank the Lord!!!! I will never do anything stupid like that again. Who knows who many chances I will get? til it too late? 

We went on a picnic yesterday. Had a bbq. It was a bit windy , so it was hard to lit it up. The portable grill was very old. But with some light fluid? It started to get some fire and finally started to get warm. We both had a big hotdog. And some potatoe  sallad. it was simple but yet good. 

Tonight Im working. The client txt me and someone had called in sick. Sooo here I am 11.5 hours to go. 

Atleast I will get paid to sit here. I really need money for next month. I rather work nigths than daytime. Im not too comfortable yet to do daytime yet. Idk why. Just seems Im a bit unsure about myself. With the cooking part.  just makes me soo freakin nervous. But maybe I will get over it or not

been up for 46 hours

YUP its true. I am at my job, looking out for that disabled man. Its from 7 pm to 7 am. I just slept 2 hours in between the shifts. Saturday-Sunday Sunday -Monday....

Im gonna tell you this: I AM EXHAUSTED!!!!!! Cant wait to get home just sleep. I got no work today, or Tuesday. He did ask if I could work on Wednesday and Friday day shift. Idk If im up for it. I kinda said yes to quickly. UGH!!! Typical me. I will figure something out.  I got 2.5 h left. 

1 month +

Its been 1 month and 2 weeks I think since I got a letter from my guy!!!! That has to be a record for sure..😤😤. Must because of covid-19 , BUMMER!!!! I just hope he is doing okay and that he is not mad at me or whatever.  Or he dont wanna talk to me nomor. ughh.  idk...  I just freakin miss him so damn much!!!😭  Hopefully I will get some mail , I hope this week but Im not gonna expect anything I just will get disappointed. But I can only pray and see what happends. 😔😣 I want a letter yet im scared to get a letter. I dont think I said anything bad or wrong or weird. But then again my memory short.

Loner quotes

Im not a garbage truck for real

So I just got blocked by a man who smoked week and apparently  had weird problems I never knew existed. BUT I dont understand why he did that. Never will. but All I know is that Im just done with people being all draining towards me. I got enough on my plate. I gotta take care of myself. Im still mourning the loss of my brother.

People can be positive but I just seem to attract people with problems or mental disorders.  Im just done with making new friends. These 2 days  I made a post on fb getting new friends has just drained me even mor...Im all exhausted.  It was good he blocked me. He should try to figure out himself instead of having me as a garbage truck.

Maybe Im just trying to hard to be social when im not... I think im a loner more than social. lol 

AMEN

All I need is God by my side and maybe I will be okay. 

 

I think im gonna delete my snapchat

I tried to add some new people and Im just fed up with the dick pics. Okay I havent recieved from eveyone. Atleast 3-4 of them all I added. I might delete my whole account.

and make a new account just for me. no people.  I had enough of fake people and no friendships that actually lasts. And ofcourse nude pics..!!!!!!  I just lost hope on having any friends. Maybe im not friend material or maybe im just really unlucky meeting creeps and people who dont seem to want to stay in touch.  *Bye* 

Atleast my guy wants to stay in touch I hope. I wouldnt be suprised if he leaves too . I just hope not

Im gonna focus on my weightloss. I got 18 kg to shred off in. I hope til July, Its not gonna be easy but I dont want to be like this. Cravings are so hard to resist. and temptations.

Bitten/scratched by Mirabelle

3 days ago. Sunday. Mirabelle was gonna come in from my kitchen window.  Melissa was gonna go outside of that window.  They stopped in front of each other.  Mirabelle caught her leg in the window sill. There was a space between it. 

She started to scream in panic or pain

 I tried to help her.  She scratched and bit me. Bad.😢😢 it pounded for days. Awee how it hurted. 

It got infected badly. I went to the doctor.  He got out the  pus and it was alot!!! 😱😵

Im not fat i am FAT

I never really thought about the bmi i have. I know im fat. Thats no suprise but that im Severely Obese. . WTF have I done to myself. !!!!!Sure my bli is 31 and eeverything  over 30 is severely obese.  But ughhhh... still... im just so freakin disgusted with myself.  Im so down today overall.  I feel so bloated and that im 600 lb. And i feel so alone.  So so so alone. That my heart hurts. 💔😢😭 soooo bad.

Im gonna try to just eat around 1000 cals a day.  Not binge on junk at evenings. Really gonna try to not give in. I even went back to check out some pro ana tips . I used to do that when I was 20-23 then i stopped. I gained weight it was pointless at that point....

I havent heard from my guy for a whole month.  I just hope he is okay and not mad at me for not having a job right now. And i havent been able to help out as much with food. I feel so bad about it. 😔😢 but mostly i miss him soooo much!!!!! ❤❤